


It's All Too Much

by Littlecupofmocha



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV), tua
Genre: Anxiety, Good Brother Diego Hargreeves, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Panic Attack, Sensory Overload, luther is luther
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-04-05 05:24:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19042003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlecupofmocha/pseuds/Littlecupofmocha
Summary: Newly sober Klaus experiences sensory overload during a family meeting. Diego helps him figure out what's going on.





	It's All Too Much

Being sober was alright, but if there was one thing Klaus missed about being high all the time, it was the feeling of his senses being dulled. Without his pills, he had to deal with the ghosts, screaming in his ears and rushing up in front of him, making him jumpy on the regular. Sometimes they would touch him too, cold pressures snaking up and down his shoulders and arms. 

 

He'd been constantly high for so long in fact, that he forgot what it felt like to go through an entire day dealing with both spirits  _ and  _ normal stimuli. 

 

It was in a family meeting when it finally happened. Luther had called for one, of course, and Klaus had, as usual, begrudgingly trudged down the stairs. Earlier, he had locked himself in his bedroom all morning, having known since he woke up that something was  _ Off _ . He'd been in bed with his headphones on for hours, trying to drown everything out. 

 

The meeting was about some nearby threat that Klaus couldn’t really be bothered to learn about. He’d helped stop the actual apocalypse just a month ago, which was enough “do-gooding” for him for years to come. 

 

About ten minutes into the meeting, Klaus noticed he was incredibly attuned to every little sound around him. The ticking grandfather clock in the adjacent room, the sound of Vanya fidgeting with the zipper on her jacket, Allison quietly tapping her nails on her coffee cup, the squeak of the floors as Luther paced back and forth. The list went on, and each sound was amplified way more than it should have been. Normal, everyday sounds were suddenly extremely painful. Klaus’s ears were throbbing; it felt like they were being stabbed over and over again as he perceived each sound. 

 

He said nothing as he pulled his legs up onto the couch with him, sitting criss-cross and leaning forward to set his elbows on his thighs. He placed his hands over his ears and frowned at the floor, trying to tune out the noise as discreetly as possible. 

 

Some unknown amount of time passed, Klaus unable to concentrate on anything and trying desperately to drown out the noises around him. He had just begun to rock slowly back and forth, finding the small motion surprisingly soothing, when two big boots appeared in his line of sight.

 

“Yes, dear brother?” Klaus mumbled with a sigh, not changing his position.

 

“Klaus, have you listened to anything we’ve been saying?” 

 

Luther was obviously annoyed. Klaus didn’t care.

 

“Oh, I’ve been  _ listening _ , that’s for sure.” 

 

Luther grabbed hold of Klaus’s arms and pried them away from his ears. The unexpected contact startled Klaus, alarm bells going off in his head, and he tried to wrench his arms from Luther’s grip. 

 

“Let go of me!”

 

“Would you for once in your life try to work with us?! The world doesn’t revolve around you and your personal preferences; you’re part of this team, and you’re gonna help.”

 

Luther released Klaus’s arms and stalked back to his original position to continue his lecture, resolving to just ignore his brother and speak with the others instead. None of the siblings commented on what had just occurred, though Allison and Five threw Klaus disapproving glances. 

 

Klaus unfolded his legs from underneath him and tried to pay attention, he really did, but Luther’s little disruption right as he was calming down had only made matters worse. Now, even his clothes were bothering him. His tank top and normally soft vest were way too close to his neck, and he was too aware of the way the hem of the sleeves fell against his arms. His pants weren’t snug enough around his ankles, and the weight of his necklace was just weird and uncomfortable. Everything felt...wrong.

 

He hadn’t felt this way in a long time. It definitely wasn’t the withdrawal, and the ghosts weren’t even bad today, if anything they’d been slightly quieter than usual. So what was going on?

 

Klaus felt himself start to panic, and his eyes were pricking with tears. Stupid. He had spent years dealing with PTSD and ghosts and drug addiction, and now some sounds and fabrics were making him cry in front of his siblings??  _ Fucking amazing. _

 

He wasn’t even aware he was bouncing his leg until he felt someone’s hand on it. Upon looking over, he realized Diego had moved to the couch and was staring at him, brows knitted with concern. 

 

“You okay, bro? You seem really out of it.”

 

Klaus wasn’t sure how to explain to his brother that he wanted to scream because of the conversation happening around him, or the fact that he wanted, no, at this point he needed to, strip off all his clothing, so he lied instead. Easy.

 

“I’m peachy, thanks for asking.” 

 

Diego frowned but said nothing. He was more than aware that Klaus was, in fact, not peachy.

 

At this point, Luther glanced over and decided to make more problems by criticizing Diego for indulging Klaus’s “attention-seeking” behavior, and a yelling match ensued. 

 

Klaus couldn’t take it anymore, the noise, all the fabrics he felt on his skin, the yelling because of him specifically. It was far too much. 

 

Without a word to anyone he practically leapt up from the couch and bounded upstairs, heading straight to the bathroom, immediately stripping out of his clothes and running a hot bath. Before getting in, he grabbed his old mp3 player and headphones.

 

The water was soothing, the heat just enough to keep Klaus grounded while also giving him some sensory relief. He selected some soft alternative music and turned it up until he had drowned out his siblings downstairs, until he couldn't hear the boom of Luther’s voice through the floorboards. 

 

Though he was feeling better than before, he still felt uncomfortable. Something was so deeply  _ wrong  _ at the moment, and it scared him. He was on edge, his heart was beating like he’d just taken a hit of ecstasy, and he couldn’t get rid of the sob that was stuck in his throat. 

 

Before he knew it, the door to the bathroom opened and in walked Diego.

 

Klaus closed his eyes and didn't bother curling up to cover himself, hoping his nakedness and obvious poor mood would be enough to convince his brother to leave. He let an entire song go by before taking a peak, just for good measure, but Diego was still there, now sitting on the floor beside the tub. 

 

Klaus sighed, accepting defeat. “ _ Guten tag, hermano _ . All finished with Spaceboy?”

 

Diego let out a huff of air. “Klaus, what was happening down there? I’ve seen you go through withdrawal before, and that wasn’t it.”

 

“Hey, I’ve been sober for 5 weeks now, I’m not on anything.”

 

“Congrats, man, that’s great.” Diego clapped a hand to Klaus’s wet shoulder and instantly pulled it away, wiping his hand on his pants. 

 

“But what was going on? You were so fidgety and…” Diego lowered his voice as if uttering a secret. “Were you crying?”

 

Klaus could only laugh. “Who, me? Never.”

 

“Were you having a, I think they’re called panic attacks? I know you used to get anxious really easily back when we were kids. And if you’re not drugged up anymore...maybe that’s all coming back?”

 

Klaus took a minute to consider this. He’d always figured he’d simply outgrown the worst of his childhood problems, trading the anxiety for some depression and more trauma, but maybe he never really did. Given his recent kidnapping and involuntary service on the front lines, maybe his anxiety was coming back full force, only manifesting in whatever was going on with him today. 

 

“I guess…..it’s possible,” Klaus confessed.

 

Diego nodded to himself, already thinking of ways to help his brother. He was done leaving him alone to sort out his issues by himself, especially when he was making a real effort to get better this time. 

 

“I can text Vanya if you want. She may be able to help more than I can right now, but I’ll try to read up on things.”

 

Klaus was touched at his brother’s willingness to assist him, but wasn’t sure he wanted the whole family involved in this. Besides, “panic attack” didn’t seem to be the right word to describe what he had just gone through.

 

“Uhh, it’s okay, you don’t have to. I….don’t think I  _ had _ a panic attack.”

 

Diego quirked his eyebrows.

 

“It was more just, everything felt... _ bad _ .” Klaus looked Diego in the eyes. “Have you ever just felt uncomfortable no matter what?”

 

“Maybe….I’m not sure I know what you mean.” Diego didn’t know if he was just uneducated on something or if Klaus was having a power-related experience.

 

Klaus clenched his jaw and swallowed, already feeling embarrassed and childlike, preparing himself for his brother’s judgement. He sighed.

 

“When I woke up today...I felt off. And my clothes felt, just,  _ wrong _ , on me. They felt  _ bad _ .” Klaus gestured towards the trail of clothes that began at the door and led to the tub. “A-and I love that outfit!” 

 

“And then, during the meeting, it was like I was picking up on every little sound in the living room, and they were all amplified and, it  _ killed _ my ears to listen to them. And then the arguing happened, and I couldn’t keep myself calm anymore. It was too overwhelming.”

 

To Klaus’s surprise, Diego wasn’t sporting a look of judgement, he actually looked worried. Not what Klaus expected given this near-breakdown was the result of some fabric and noise, things typically far inferior to the ghosts.

 

“Do you feel better now?” Diego asked as he pulled up Google on his phone.

 

“I mean, a little, but even the water’s bothering me right now.”

 

Diego looked up from his lap. “The  _ water ?” _

 

_ Ah, here’s the judgement.  _

 

Klaus groaned and pressed his palms to his eyes. “Look, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Diego! I’m sorry I’m so weird and such a handful all the time, but I’m trying, I promise. I...it’s been so hard not taking anything, and I would do  _ so much _ for a couple pills right now. These past few weeks have felt like one long bad trip, and everything is setting me off and the ghosts are so, so loud and…...my brain is just constantly racing, I can’t sleep, I’m jumpy, I’m exhausted. I just…..I can’t-”

 

Klaus’s voice broke off and Diego watched as his brother slowly rocked back and forth, hands pressed tightly over his face in a weak attempt at hiding his emotions. He felt like he’d been punched in the gut. 

 

“Klaus, I-I didn’t mean to sound annoyed with you. I’m not. I promise I’m not, okay? I’m just worried is all. If the feeling of water is making you feel that bad? Then something’s wrong, and I wanna help. That’s all.”

 

Klaus stilled at this, and with one last sniff, removed his hands from his face. His eyes were reddish and shining. He took a deep breath.

 

“I’m sorry I’m like this.”

 

“You don’t need to be. It’s not your fault.”

 

Klaus seemed to process this and brought his legs up to his chest, latching his arms around them. He nodded, but didn’t speak.

 

Diego, still sprawled on the floor, continued furiously googling for answers to Klaus’s predicament, finally finding an article that seemed to hit the nail on its head.

 

“‘Hey! Look at this. Sounds like what you described.”

 

Klaus dried his hands on a towel hanging off to the side and gingerly took Diego’s phone. His brother had centered the page on one paragraph. It mentioned something called “sensory overload”, a phenomenon apparently common in those with autism, ADHD, anxiety, and other sensory processing disorders.

 

As he read through the paragraph, Klaus was flooded with relief. He wasn’t just “too sensitive,” other people experienced the same things. The feeling that harsh lights were piercing his brain, the throbbing of his ears when sounds were too loud and repetitive, certain textures and fabrics that made him feel panicked and upset. It was all there.

 

Klaus continued to scroll through the article, emotion welling up inside at the fact that his experiences were being explained right then and there. It was proof he wasn’t making this up just to be difficult. Though had he never used his issues to garner attention, the constant accusations from his father and siblings made him doubt his own motivations. 

 

Diego watched as Klaus quickly scrolled through the page, his eyes flitting across the screen. 

When Klaus had finished, he held the phone back out to his brother and sunk back down into the bathwater, shivering now having been exposed to the air for too long. 

 

“Klaus,” Diego ventured.

 

The smaller brother barely tilted his head in acknowledgement. 

 

“Do you want me to text Vanya? Ask her if she knows someone or can give you some sort of helpful...uh...information? Maybe some website or app? Or…..do you even have your phone anymore?”

 

Klaus smiled lazily.

 

“I do. Cracked badly, but it works.”

 

“Not surprising. Want me to text?”

 

Klaus hesitated. On the one hand, he wasn’t sure he wanted Vanya to know about whatever he was dealing with. They’d always had a decent relationship, but she had written some really nasty things about him in her book that made him wary to trust her. Plus, if word got out to his other siblings? Only more yelling to deal with. The usual comments–‘you’re such a piece of work, Klaus,’ ‘you always seem to have so many issues,’ ‘just shake it off’–would surely come his way. Though, everyone had been trying to mend their relationships since the apocalypse was averted; years of abuse, competition, and distance had done more damage to them than they’d realized at first, and most of them were comfortable with only one other sibling: Klaus and Diego (and Ben), Luther and Allison, Vanya and Five.

 

On the other hand, if his siblings knew he was sober and  _ still  _ having trouble simply existing in this house, this world, maybe they’d start to realize that he  _ was  _ trying, and that he wasn’t simply putting on a show. Especially if the news came from Diego.

 

“Yeah,” Klaus said finally. “Go ahead.”

 

Diego’s fingers quickly typed a message. “Done.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“No problem, bro.”

 

Klaus sank back from the edge of the tub to his original position, and he flinched when his chest was once again submerged in the cold water. He’d have to run another bath.

 

Diego picked up the towel Klaus had set aside to dry off with.

 

“I’m gonna go throw this in the dryer so it’ll be warm for you when you get out. You relax and I’ll bring it in about twenty minutes. That good with you?”

 

Klaus nodded.

 

“Kay. Ya need anything else, man? Uh...some food, maybe? I know you don’t eat enough.”

 

Klaus laughed quietly and shook his head. “No, I’m good. But thank you, Diego.”

 

With one final nod, Diego left the bathroom, towel in tow. Klaus plugged up the tub again, it being nearly drained of the cold water, and ran a hotter bath. Once full, he sank into it and put his headphones back on, letting the warmth of the water and soft melodies relax him. 

 

He was so thankful for Diego, and he was beginning to think that maybe Vanya could actually point him in the right direction, help him get back onto his feet and stay there for a while. His siblings would listen to Diego and Vanya, they would, and he’d finally be able to walk into the living room and maybe receive a nice greeting instead of some disparaging remark. He’d get better. They all would. 

 

Klaus closed his eyes, and for the first time in a long while, he had hope.


End file.
